I am far from my home now, attending some work-related meeting. I had to give a presentation here and I was slightly nervous about it. Because I have never gave a speech in front of this community, and I was not sure how they will take it. In particular, there was one person in my audience who is very well-known and highly regarded by everyone. I also heard that he is an amazing person, really kind and humble. Many people with his level of success and accomplishment would be too proud and arrogant. But this guy was super nice. Anyway, my presentation actually went well and afterwards this person approached me and made some supportive and encouraging comments. I was thrilled and happy about it. The next day morning he again told me he really liked my talk and he thought I was very smart. I was….well…glowing with pride. I even called my husband and told him how my hard work is being appreciated here.
After some time it hit me. Shit…..this guy was nice. How could I manage to forget THAT? He says nice things to everyone and that does not mean I was doing well or anything. He was just being NICE to me, nothing more than that. Oh god….how I made a total fool of myself. What everyone must be thinking. Everyone here must have noticed me carrying myself with my stupid head held high, and my stupid eyes shining bright with pride, and they must have been laughing behind my back….hey, look at that stupid woman who thinks she is really smart, she took some polite comments too seriously. I felt like crawling under the carpet and stay there for the rest of the meeting. Although everybody was really good at hiding their sarcasm and behaved very normally around me, but you can’t fool me twice in a span of just two days. Come on, I am not that stupid. Oh my god….am I topic of some joke now? Something like: be careful, don’t go and tell her ‘Hi, nice to meet you’ she will think ‘oh, everybody is thrilled to meet me, how popular I am’.
Why did I even decide to attend this meeting? What was I thinking? And that famous person, who is behind all these, who is solely responsible for misleading me with his kindness? Well, let me just go back to my comfort zone once again. After this mortifying experience passes, and I am back home again, I am going to tell everyone what he did to me. I will need to be careful though, because many people think of him as some kind of saint…but this warning must go across. Otherwise there will be other victims like me, who are so naive that they believe when they hear what they want to hear. And I can’t let that happen. I have some responsibility towards my colleagues, towards my community, towards human kind. I need some plan though how to go about this. Because most people will totally fail to get the point and will dismiss my ordeal as something like “you are being over-sensitive about it all. This guy was indeed nice and cordial to you. And no body made fun of you….it is all in your head.” So I need to carefully design my plot.
This is how an amazing person with his nice behavior and kind comments ruined this trip for me.