From a dark corner

How fragile my frame of mind is? If I say “I am happy” or “I am sad”, how robust that claim is, against the dynamic backdrop of my daily life? Of course a big event can completely change our lives. But even small small details in our daily life can have surprisingly strong effect on our outlook.

I had to face some disappointment at my work last week. To cut a long story short, I have been denied the credit for something I had done, and somebody else “stole” it from me. This made me reasonably disappointed and upset. Then last weekend I had a bit of a fight with my dear husband and the reason for the fight was as always, HIS MOTHER. And just like that, these two back-to-back incidents managed to put me in quite a dark place. None of these events are significant in the long run, I know. The workplace problem is unfortunate but it is not as if my life depends on it….I know I will move on. The tension with my husband will also dissipate out after few days. Right now we are giving each other the silent treatment but our interaction will eventually be normal again (I hope).

Yet, at the time I am going through this, I feel quite different from my usual self. My default modes have changed. To a specific comment, specific situation, I am responding differently than I normally do. And that difference is more towards the darker side. When someone says something jokingly, instead of reciprocating with a hearty laughter or another witty come back, which I normally do, I am now responding in a more grim way. A cheerful environment is making me uncomfortable and I feel like a misfit there. And one part of me is observing this difference and taking notes with interest!

In our daily life how much we take for granted? The way I interact with other people, the way I handle a given situation, is so closely connected to whether I had a happy chat with my husband last evening. In a normal day, after we come back home from work, we have dinner and tell each other how our day went….we share with each other our moments of joy, excitement, disappointment of that day. Our conversation stays casual, relaxed and sometimes even turns vague…..yet that bit is crucial to keep me going. When things go right, we sometimes fail to appreciate them. Only when something starts going wrong, we realize how important role it played in shaping our perspective.

This little episode has once more opened my eyes towards mindfulness. Paying attention to every little blessing that comes our way, and also paying attention to the ripple our own actions are sending out to the universe. We are all connected and in a brief, seemingly insignificant interaction, we can alter another person’s state of mind. We need to always always keep this in mind and stay sensitive towards that connection. As I write this, a famous quote from Mary Oliver fills my head…..“over and over announcing your place in the family of things”.

While I make my slow journey back to my normal life, out of this dark place where I am living right now, I wish all of you bright days, filled with light and laughter and I hope the ripples you are sending out, are making positive differences in many many lives.

4 thoughts on “From a dark corner

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s